I have been rushing to my comfort zones for most of my life – what a mistake to make! I always thought that if I went or did what I wanted then the sticky situation could be:

a) Handled correctly or
b) Avoided

WRONG on both counts! And it’s taken me almost a lifetime to discover my mistake but then they do say that wisdom comes with age…..I sure hope so!

I remember at my boarding school, which I hated but survived, I was detailed to box another boy. Now I did not like boxing - who, in their right mind, wants to get their head punched! So to get out boxing I ran away to avoid having to be beaten-up by another boy with whom I had been paired. A big mistake!

Eventually of course I had to confront my fears and him! So into the ring I went, with great fear and trembling, and the boy beat me. Unfortunately for me, in thrashing me he damaged his hand or a finger or something – I cannot remember. What I can remember is that I then had to box in his place in the next round and (as was my expectation) take another bashing!

Perhaps if I’d showed a bit of guts and got into the ring with him from the beginning I may have got away with one round of boxing and not had to suffer two! Who can tell? I might have won! No – let’s not consider that!

Poor old Job in the bible said:

“For the thing which I fear cometh upon me, And that which I am afraid of cometh unto me.” Job 3:25(ASV)

It sure did that day and I had the bruises to prove it! Later when I joined the Royal Navy I had to box the same bloke again and he still beat me! Such is life!

So if we are in fear and go to our comfort zone to avoid something we believe we can avoid by doing so, we will probably be worse off in the long run. What we need to do is to face up to our fears and thereby overcome them and to grow in the process.

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom” - Marilyn Ferguson

I know a lady, who has few friends, except me (and I find it a real challenge to be with her at times) because due to pasts hurts she controls whatever situation that she find herself in or, if she cannot control it, she gets angry and then runs away.

Now we all have hurts and damages in our lives and I am not condemning that lady. It is so sad, though, to see her living her life at half power, so to speak, as apposed to living her life to the full! If you met her you would think she was ok and everything in her life was grand, but behind the mask it’s not and she is not only frustrated in not being able to do the things she wants to do in her life but also very angry and anyone who provokes her or does not conform to her control, feels her anger. I know, but I will always be there for her even though she doesn’t seem to need me. Why? Because she is a friend. I am waiting and praying for the day when she throws off her chains and becomes the fantastic person she was born to be – I can SEE her massive potential! She will be a real blessing to thousands and I look forward to seeing it!

What happens when we cannot run to our comfort zones?

I know what happened to me. As I said earlier, I went to join the RN and had to have a medical during the process. Whilst the doctor was examining me he went to do something behind my back and I fainted in fear! I was scared and not being able to control my fear or avoid it – I just passed out!

Having spent so much time at a (boys only) boarding school, females were a big mystery to me for many years. I was very shy and consequently had a sort of love/hate opinion of all women! Part of me wanted to be with them because they were so lovely and attractive but also part of me loathed them because I couldn’t actually enjoy much contact with them because of my shyness….and I blamed them! This was during the 60’s when (I thought) everyone was getting free love, which made the situation worse because I was not included! Sailing around and not staying in one place for long didn’t help either!

Within a week of my joining the Navy my parents moved but I managed to find them again! I did know where they where moving to but being in a completely new surroundings for only a fortnight at a time on leave did not help my situation with girls. So I went into my comfort zone – ignore, avoid and moan about them! I did eventually lose my virginity - in a brothel in Istanbul after asking my mate if the lady he’d been with ‘went all the way’! Okay! Okay! Nobody’s perfect!

Comfort zone? I guess there is no such thing!

Peter McWilliams said: “Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort…..to the degree we’re not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.”

Now that’s very interesting: “... our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.” I can vouch for that – running into my comfort zone during my life has meant that I have probably missed many, many occasions where I could have learnt something to my advantage for my future success and strength but I missed it by running away.

“A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown” - Denis Waitley

This is so true. We can become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown – it’s called changing our mind-sets or beliefs.

There is so much more in us if only we would take the time to look…

Be happy – Roger Bulpitt (Oct 2007)